If you follow me on Instagram, you might have caught a glimpse of the news that our family is moving. It is five minutes down the road, but we are moving nonetheless. In the past month we have been purging and selling, purging and selling, purging and selling. We are currently living in chaos.
FUN FACT! (sorry for the “Squirrel!” ha!) Here is a tidbit of my personality in a nutshell: big dreamer, procrastinator, type A, organizer, loud, ENFJ (for all of my psych Mommas), likes to be in charge. However, I don’t function well in chaos. It is a complete nightmare. My whole brain just shuts down. I am either on the verge of a panic attack or I’m going to flip a lid. My poor kids. Pray for them. Thankfully I have a husband who has grown accustomed to my craziness. Yesterday for example I stayed in my PJs and refused to shower all day. I didn’t really accomplish much of anything. I did finish a task on Zelda (Nintendo switch). So I kind of felt like I had achieved greatness on Monday. I’m actually not sure if the chaos in my home or the lack of sleep from a teething 11-month-old was the cause of my shut down, but either way it happened.
This personality trait has been with me for as long as I can remember. I have just never been a strong person to deal well with the disorganization of my own life. Now I have a degree in counseling and I operate well in that role. I can give you all sorts of advice on how to smooth out your own disorganization and chaos; in my own life I have no advice for myself. Am I the only one? Please tell me I have a twin or a whole village of people who operate the same way that I do?
I often ask out loud, “why me Jesus?” And I follow that up with “God you created me, so help me deal with this mess. And since you did create me, why is all this craziness around me? You know I don’t deal well.” I am quickly reminded of Paul’s thorn in his flesh. I am not perfect. So far from it. I often convince myself I am. Arise the great thorn! In my lack of humility and boastfulness and pride, I need to be reminded that I am nothing apart from Christ. I have not arrived. I have not made it. I am not complete.
Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12: “So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Ladies…for when I am weak, then I am strong. I, Pam, will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. There is NOTHING I desire more than the power of Christ on my life. CHRIST! The same man that healed the blind, made the lame walk, rose people from the dead, and loved despite his unjustified persecution and death. CHRIST! Yes, Holy Spirit pour that into my life. I will accept all my crazy ways and shortcomings for more of Christ’s power. This is the only power that will fix my shutdowns and enable me to parent with a smidgen of sense and grace. Coffee can’t fix that, only Jesus.
Mommas, drink your cup of joe and enjoy that moment. And as you are tasting the sweet sip, say “yes Jesus, yes! I need your power to help me be all that you called me to be. I need your power to direct and guide these children. I need your power to make sure I don’t lose my sanity. Yes, Jesus, yes. I need more. More of You.”